A Very Wet Wedding 06/18/2011

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The bride and groom enter the church together.

One thing is certain—it was a day not likely to soon be forgotten.  For the bride and groom, of course, it was the day of their wedding.  But for anyone who was seated outside the church building during the ceremony this day was anything but typical.

In East Timor weddings are events for the community and the entire community throws themselves into the planning, organization and carrying-out of the occasion with great enthusiasm and energy.  Unlike in my home country, where the bride-to-be is consumed with every detail of the affair, in East Timor most of the details are planned and taken care of by the family and the community or, in this case, the church.  This is the nature of communal societies.  It’s also the reality of not having significant financial resources.  Choices, we must remember, spring primarily from excess.

The wedding ceremony itself also reflects the community-oriented nature of the every day.  event.  The wedding is done as part of a regular Sunday worship service.  During the course of the service the bride and groom will sit up front on a small couch or two decorated chairs while the rest of the family and church community sat behind them.  The service begins as any normal Sunday service might—singing, praying, giving and a sermon.  It is not until the end of the sermon that the wedding ceremony begins, much like we might have a baptism or baby dedication following the sermon.

At this point the bride and groom stand before the pastor with their family and friends behind them and take their vows, exchange rings (if rings are being used, which they often are not) and kneel before both sets of parents to seek their blessing.  If the bride is brave (read: not too shy) there might even be a kiss!

At this point things usually move to another section of the building or outside where the cake (again, if there is a cake) will be cut and a variety of other traditions may or may not take place.  Almost always, though, there is an ornately decorated couch where the couple will sit, eat, receive well-wishers and have their photos taken with guests.                                    

So, for days and weeks leading up to the event the church was a bee hive of activity.  

[click "Read More" to continue reading and see a photo of the kitchen where the feast was cooked]  
  

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The entire wedding feast was cooked right here!

As I walked into the youth center just hours after arriving in country I noticed a white board on which was written the responsibilities of every family in the church—which decorations they were to buy, which part they would play in the service, and what foods they were responsible to bring. 

I arrived at the church in the early afternoon, a few hours before the evening ceremony was to begin.  The church had been decorated very simply, but beautifully.  The rented church building  was not going to be large enough to seat everyone so four giant tarps had been hung over a dirt area which usually served as parking.  Chairs, a food table, cake table and the important “couples couch” had been set up and final decorations were being prepared and hung. The cake was beautiful and even included a cake topper consisting of a very pale bride and groom, which seemed a little strange.  Surrounding the cake were dozens of cupcakes, decorated in Valentine’s Day fashion—red hearts and pink ribbons.  You get the idea.  Everyone had worked so hard and the building was looking very nice.  A red carpet had even been laid out beginning from where the bride would exit her vehicle all the way to the front of the church.

As usual, guests began to arrive 20 minutes late but when they were all there the inside of the building was packed and stifling hot, so I decided to find a seat outside (after making my obligatory greeting and congratulating the soon-to-be-married couple).  I’m glad I did; otherwise I’d have missed all the action!

As soon as my friend and colleague (a regional worker who has worked in East Timor for the past 6 years) got up to preach the rains began to fall.  As the rain got stronger the water began to pool in the tarp—most precariously above the food and cake tables—and eventually began to leak.  The young men jumped into action, attempting to divert the water to more safe areas of the tarp and then poking holes in the tarp to allow them to drain away from the cake and seated guests.

The rains continued, however, and then the winds began.  I’m sure Pastor W could see the commotion outside as he was preaching, but I’m fairly certain that the young couple in front was oblivious to all that was going on and the great efforts their friends were making to save their cake!  The wind began to lift up the tarps spraying water in all direction as a few unfortunate guest found themselves a bit wetter than they would have preferred.  One tarp was torn away from it rope and required a very quick repair.

As it grew progressively darker it became clear that the rain and wind had also damaged the series of light bulbs that had been strung around under the tarps.  None of them worked and another small group of young men worked frantically to get the lights going before total darkness ensued.  They were not successful.

As the couple said their vows, still oblivious to all that was going out just a few meters away, the red carpet was now brown with mud, buckets were strewn about the area catching rain water, the cake had already been moved several times to avoid a very wet disaster, several guests were looking for ways to remain dry and candles now lined the food table to allow people to see what it was they were eating (sautéed hot dogs seemed to a favorite, by the way).

In the end the cake table was carried into the sanctuary and up to the front of the church.  There the bride and groom cut the cake and toasted each other with warm Coca-Cola.  Afterwards the children made a rush for the cupcakes.  I really wanted to take one but none of the other adults were eating them, so I resisted.  There was plenty of food and nobody seemed to mind eating in the dark.  As I approached them to congratulate them again, the groom gave me a hug (not typical for the area where I live) and touched his cheeks to mine on both sides of my face.  This, too is not at all typical where I live but it was a sign of respect and honor here. 
  

The next morning David and Anna—the newly married couple—were at the church helping to clean up.  I wanted to tease them but could only smile at the beautiful example of community that was being played out before my eyes.  It was beautiful…and perfect.

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Comments

Kristina

06/18/2011 17:23

Love the reminder that it is not the stuff that makes a marriage, but the relationships we have with each other and those around us!

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Steve link

06/20/2011 07:58

Kristina, that's exactly right.

One of the biggest differences I see between here and "home" is the difference in sense of community. In America it's all but gone, in many cases. Here, it's still alive but being threatened by increasing modernization and westernization. But seeing it in action is a beautiful thing. Relationship is the highest priority.

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